So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
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Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
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I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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