Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
