I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
God I need to hump something, right now.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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