Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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