Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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