You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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