lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
