my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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