my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
