Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
