if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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