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Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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