just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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