They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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