But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
