Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
