whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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