I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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