Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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