she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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