I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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