I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
