I just pynch a tree in the face
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
