like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
