I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
