She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
