i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
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I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
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How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize