it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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