The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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