I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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