My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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