he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
