He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
