Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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