Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
