not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
