Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
