hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
