he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
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