Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
