i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize