why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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