I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
