God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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