found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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