Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
