I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just forgot I was standing up.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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