Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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