Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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