my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
