This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
