uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
