Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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