i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
