maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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