I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
nutella sex= disaster
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Randomize
