Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
