I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
