I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
