I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
