About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
