what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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