would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
