You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
