just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
