Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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