I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
