just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
is that a dick in a sweater?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
