she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Sober January is a disaster.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
