I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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