Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
