I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
