I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
