Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
