Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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