you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
