I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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