I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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