Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
