i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
