problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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