my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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