My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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