Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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