I'm lost and stupid without you.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize