We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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